


Demons Can't Love

by thekingslover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood, Happy Ending, Hunter!Sam, Implied Torture, M/M, Self-Loathing, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, demon!cas, hunter!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2094030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekingslover/pseuds/thekingslover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel refuses to kill Dean Winchester, he himself becomes Hell's target.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr, thekingslover <3

Demon Castiel, one of Lucifer’s most trusted minions, gets sent to earth to drag the righteous man to Hell. Castiel tracks Dean to a bar in a small town, walks up to him seated on a bar stool, and just stops. Castiel is standing in the middle of everything, mouth ajar, eyes locked on the most brilliant soul he’s ever seen. Dean Winchester’s.

It’s so bright it’s blinding. And warm - not scalding like hell, but a comforting warmth, like a fuzzy blanket or a human hug, things that seem so distant now, to Castiel. And perfect soldier Castiel starts to question why a man so clearly good would be pulled down the path of the damned.

Castiel defies his orders without speaking to Dean. He turns, moves toward the parking lot and stands there - lost - even after Dean pops out of nowhere and threatens him with a knife.

Dean starts the incantation that will pull him from his soulless vessel - the shape of a man who died long ago - but Castiel says, “Just kill me.”

The words jumble in Dean’s mouth. “What?” Dean says instead, his soul shining bright in the dim parking lot.

"I refused to harm you, and that will leave me to a fate worse than death," Castiel says.

Dean stares at him, at his defenseless posture, and says, “This is some kind of trick.”

Castiel drops to his knees to prove it is not.

"Shit," Dean says. He pushes a hand through his hair. "Get up. Fight me."

Castiel shakes his head. “Hell is no place for a good man.”

Dean stares at him - hard. He jostles the knife in his hand, even takes a step closer at one point, but then he growls and steps back again.

"What about the poor son of a bitch you’re possessing?" Dean asks.

"Died long ago."

"You kill him?"

"No," Castiel says. "But there have been others." He lowers his head, ready for judgement. "I am not worthy of mercy, Dean." He flicks his eyes black as he stares at the pavement. "I am a demon."

"Shit," Dean growls. Then again, louder, " _Shit_.” He grabs at Castiel’s shoulders. “Get on your feet, asshole. Fight me. Fight me, damn it.”

Castiel stays very still, malleable under Dean’s hands as he shoves him and then sets him upright again.

“Shit!" Dean crosses the parking lot and pops the back of a 67 Impala. There’s a devil’s trap carved in the lid to the trunk. "Get in."

Castiel stands, crosses the parking lot and crawls into the trunk. He stops with one leg in. “You could just end this now.”

"Or I could leave you here for them to find," Dean says, harsh though there’s really no anger in his eyes. "Just get in."

"Okay," Castiel says and obeys.

Dean closes the trunk and drives for a while. This isn’t the most comfortable place Castiel has ever been, but it’s heaven compared to hell.

After a while, the car stops. Voices argue outside. The trunk pops open and Sam Winchester peers inside. Dean’s standing behind him, arms crossed over his chest.

Castiel tries to think of the traditional human greeting. He smiles a little, though he’s sure it’s awkward. “Hello,” he says.

Sam stares. Dean huffs out a laugh.

"I told you," Dean says. "He’s different."

Sam slams closed the trunk, again engulfing Castiel in darkness - but the peaceful kind, not like hell with all manner of torture lurking in the darkness.

He’s not sure what to expect now, but he hears Dean’s voice on a loop in his head long after the car starts moving again.

_He’s different._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam keep Cas in a devil’s trap at all times, in a dungeon with no windows or lights.

Dean and Sam keep Cas in a devil’s trap at all times, in a dungeon with no windows or lights. Cas doesn’t mind. They don’t chain him, so he can stretch his legs or sit. He hasn’t been away from hell this long since he can remember. It’s nice. He tells that to Dean one day when he comes in to check on him - or, as Dean says, “See if they got you yet.”

"This ain’t exactly homely, Cas," Dean tells him. He had asked his name on the first day. A few days have passed since then. Cas doesn’t keep track.

"No," Cas replies. "It’s much better."

"Better?" Dean asks.

Cas curls his hands around his stomach. “No flames. No brimstone. No… pain.” He shudders, for a moment taken back to a land of eternal fire and death. Of blood and fear. There are no nights or days in hell. No sleep. No peace of any kind.

When Cas shakes him from his daze and looks up, Dean is staring at him. Cas cannot read his expression, though his soul has dimmed.

"I could get you a chair," Dean says.

A chair would be nice, Cas thinks, but won’t press his luck. “There’s no need.”

"A book? You read?" Dean asks. "What do you do in here all day?"

"I sit," Cas replies. Quietly, he adds, "I can read."

Dean rubs a hand down his face. “Sam’s going to kill me.”

The next day, Dean relocates Cas’s devil’s trap to a library. He’s tucked away in one corner between two bookshelves. If he stretches, he can reach a third. Dean even brings him a chair.

Cas swallows, thinks hard on what humans say in gratitude, and finally says, “Thank you, Dean.” Words never spoken in hell.

Dean gives a flustered, incomprehensible response that makes Cas’s chest ache but in a way that pleases him. Dean’s soul pulses, bright and happy.

Sam scowls the first time he notices Cas sitting in the corner reading, but after that, he ignores him.

Cas, though, always greets, “Hello, Sam.”

One day, not too many weeks later, Sam finally looks up and asks, “What are you reading, Cas?”

Cas holds up the paperback he had found back behind the older tomes. It’s ten cent novel about a cowboy and his robot companion.

Sam nods and Cas lowers his book. Then Sam asks, “What do you know about wraiths?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s just not a good idea," Sam says for the fifth time in as many minutes.
> 
> "Look," Dean says. "If he attacks us, then we can finally gank him, okay?"
> 
> "I won’t attack you," Cas chimes in.
> 
> "See?" Dean laughs. "Nothing to worry about."
> 
> "Right," Sam says. He crosses his arms and looks out the window.

Sam hates the idea of taking Cas on a hunt with them. He’s been very vocal about it for the past hour as they travel in the Impala. Cas has been mostly ignoring him though, enjoying his trip in the backseat - much more comfortable than the trunk.

"It’s just not a good idea," Sam says for the fifth time in as many minutes.

"Look," Dean says. "If he attacks us, then we can finally gank him, okay?"

"I won’t attack you," Cas chimes in.

"See?" Dean laughs. "Nothing to worry about."

"Right," Sam says. He crosses his arms and looks out the window.

*

Dean gives Cas a silver butter knife and a small mirror.

"Aim for the heart," Dean says and turns his back, heading toward the front door of an old house.

Sam stands beside Cas, staring. “After you,” he says.

Cas nods.

*

The wraith has touched both Dean and Sam. They kneel in the living room, trapped in their hallucinations.

The wraith hovers between the two. It extends a blade from it’s wrist and reaches for Sam, grabbing him by the hair.

"Don’t touch him," Cas growls.

"Or what?" the wraith says, a cruel smile curling the lips of its human visage. 

Cas teleports behind the wraith. He lets his eyes turn black and jams the silver knife deep into the wraith’s heart.

The wraith releases Sam’s hair and falls to the floor, dead. Dean and Sam slump but then rouse. 

"Cas?" Dean asks, startled.

Cas blinks and returns his eyes to their human blue. He hands the knife, handle first, to Dean. “Thank you for giving this to me,” he says.

"Uh, sure," Dean replies. He looks at Sam. Sam stays quiet.

Cas leaves them to go wait by the door. Before he gets there, he hears Sam’s voice.

"He saved us," Sam says, quiet like he can’t quite believe it. 

*

At the bunker, Dean and Sam give Cas his own room. They remove the devil’s trap from the library and a few doors. They keep the salt lines though - at the front door, most of the bedrooms, and a few other places Cas doesn’t ask about.

The door of Dean’s bedroom, however, has no salt line.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas remembers he likes bees. And the warmth of the sun on his face. He likes flying kites and watching clouds.

Cas remembers he likes bees. And the warmth of the sun on his face. He likes flying kites and watching clouds.

He learns he likes Dean’s smile - the way it crinkles the skin near his eyes and makes those forest greens brighten. He likes the slide of his hand against Dean’s, and the soft press of Dean’s lips to his cheek when Sam isn’t looking.

Cas likes Dean. But the wordage feels inadequate, because he likes Sam too, but not in the same way. With Sam, Cas likes to talk and play monopoly.

With Dean, Cas likes to snuggle close on the couch and watch Dean watch television. One day, Dean jokes, “Do I got something on my face, Cas?”

Cas replies, soft, “I would like to put my lips on your face, Dean.” He pauses, tilts his head to study Dean’s reddening cheeks. “Is that something?”

"How about," Dean coughs. He rubs a hand through his hair. Even his ears are red now. "Lips to lips?"

"A kiss?" Cas asks.

"Lots of them," Dean says. His hand on Cas’s shoulder tightens and Cas leans further into him. Their lips meet - tenderly at first but then much, much harder.

Cas likes Sam. But Cas _loves_ Dean.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They track the latest monster to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of an old steel town. Cas takes one step in the door and freezes.
> 
> They’re hunting a ghost, but Cas smells sulfur.

Cas becomes a regular “third wheel” on all of Dean and Sam’s hunting trips.

"You realize that a third wheel is a bad thing, right?" Sam asks.

Cas shakes his head. “Greater stability.”

They track the latest monster to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of an old steel town. Cas takes one step in the door and freezes.

They’re hunting a ghost, but Cas smells sulfur.

"Our brothers and sisters miss you, Castiel," says a demon from the shadows.

Cas draws the knife Dean gave him but it’s too late - another demon already has him from behind.

"Cas?" Dean asks from the doorway. Cas insisted on going in first. A ghost cannot hurt a demon as it could two humans. Dean’s eyes widen. He takes a step forward, cries out, "Cas!"

The demon pulls on Cas’s shoulder and together they descend into hell, leaving Dean and Sam - and Cas’s new life - far behind.

*

Pain. Blood. Brimstone. Smoke.

They bind his mouth so he can’t leave his vessel.

Hot, scalding, _searing_ pain.

Cas closes his eyes and thinks of the softness of Dean’s mouth, of his hand tracing down Cas’s cheek.

Hell is full of only sharp things. Twisted metal. Jagged spikes. Piercing screams and malicious laughter.

He thinks of his name, round and gentle in Dean’s voice.

He hears his full name, “Castiel,” growled by a demon in his ear. “You betrayed us. You will never do so again.”

Dean, he knows, will reach for him in his sleep. But Cas won’t be there this time to chase away the nightmares.

"Open your eyes, Castiel," the demon says. "You cannot escape this."

Cas wonders if Dean’s nightmares are like this.

"You will never escape this."

*

Minutes could be hours. Hours could be days. He doesn’t know how long he’s been on this table.

Not long enough for what they want.

Cas clings to the memory of Dean with the entirety of his shaky heart. They will not erase him. Cas will not be made to forget.

Cas will never be _Castiel_ again.

"Then you’ll spend eternity with me," the demon taunts. "On my table."

"No," Cas says.

Something tugs at Cas’s skin like an itch, but it quickly grows stronger. He knows the pull, though it’s only happened once before, when he was summoned before Lucifer himself.

"No," Cas tells his demon torturer, louder. Fresh breath fills his lungs. He’s not being summoned to somewhere else in hell - but to _earth_. He smiles. “I won’t.”

The twisted face of the demon fades away, falls to blackness, and a moment later, Cas finds himself standing in a devil’s trap in a familiar dungeon.

"Cas?"

"Dean, wait!" Sam grabs Dean by the shoulder, holding him back.

Cas spits out the blood in his mouth. He’s naked, covered in scars and cuts and bruises. His knees tremble. He can’t remember the last time he was made to stand.

No, he does. He was here, on earth, with…

"Dean," Cas says, voice raw. His throat burns on the word, but it’s nothing compared to the fire of hell.

"Cas!" Dean starts again, but Sam grips his shoulder hard and yanks him away.

"We have to know it’s you," Sam says.

Cas falls to the ground. Dean rips himself away from Sam and runs to Cas’s side. It’s only Dean’s hand, warm but not searing, that keeps Cas upright.

"Cas?" Dean whispers.

Cas looks at him and then up at Sam. “I’m your third wheel.”

Sam’s face, before stony and cold, now crumples. “Greater stability,” he says. He starts forward, but Dean’s already breaking the trap and scooping Cas up into his arms.

"We’re going to fix you up," Dean promises. "Clean your wounds. Get you some clothes."

Cas reaches up with a shaky hand. He traces Dean’s stubble-covered jaw with his fingertips. “I love you, Dean,” he says, hating that he never had before.

Dean’s eyes gloss over, even as his mouth hardens into a firm line. “They won’t hurt you again, Cas.”

"Dean," Cas tries, but Dean shakes his head and keeps moving.

With Sam’s help, they clean all of Cas’s wounds. Dean leaves briefly, only to return a moment later with a pair of his pajamas and an old t-shirt.

They smell like Dean.

*

Later, in the still darkness of Dean’s bedroom - no, _their_ bedroom - Dean holds Cas close. Cas doesn’t sleep but he lays his head on Dean’s chest, listening to his heartbeat and the steady rise and fall of Dean’s breath.

Dean cards his fingers through Cas’s hair. “I know what it’s like,” he says, after a while. “I’ve been there.”

"Then you know what heaven’s like too," Cas says.

Dean’s hand stops. “I do?”

Cas lifts his head to look into Dean’s eyes. Even in the dim light, they are beautiful. His soul still glows ever bright.

"I think we’re there now," Cas says.

Dean laughs a little, kind. “Then you must be an angel.”

Cas leans up and kisses him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I live forever. Even if you protect me in your lifetimes. Even if I’m protected in a thousand more. There will come a time when these walls collapse, and they will find me."

"It’s dangerous," Sam tells Dean and Cas as they sit around the table in the library. "But I think it will work."

Dean hasn’t uncrossed his arms for the whole conversation. “I don’t like it. We’ll just find a different way.”

"This is the simplest way there is, Dean. It’s just an incantation and a few items. Hell, we have most of these just lying around."

"And if we get it wrong? Then what? He goes back to hell?"

"We don’t know that. It might just do nothing at all."

"I don’t like it," Dean says, slumping back into his chair.

Cas looks at him and at Sam and then around the bunker that’s been his home for the better part of a year. He hasn’t been able to risk going outside. They’d track him in an instant, and he would put Dean, Sam, and their home in jeopardy.

He doesn’t want to be ungrateful. Dean and Sam have given him a home and protection, but…

"I can’t stay here forever," Cas says. He stares down at the floor so he can’t see Dean’s face. "I live forever. Even if you protect me in your lifetimes. Even if I’m protected in a thousand more. There will come a time when these walls collapse, and they will find me."

"And if this fails?" Dean asks. " _Jesus_ , Cas. Is being human worth losing the time you might be safe?”

Cas looks up, right into Dean’s green eyes and says, “Yes.”

*

Later, Dean holds Cas extra tightly against his chest. Cas likes to count his heartbeats. He’s up to one hundred thirteen when Dean decides to speak.

"I can’t stand the thought of you going back there," Dean says, voice soft, choked with emotion. Cas doesn’t dare glance up at Dean’s face; he knows Dean gets embarrassed easily. It’s always been best to have these conversations like this. "When they took you before, Cas, I…"

Cas turns and places a tender kiss right over Dean’s heart.

"I can’t lose you, again," Dean says. "I can’t even think of it."

Cas knows exactly how he feels. “Dean, you are human. When you die…” Cas swallows, the words thick in his throat. “You’ll go to Heaven. You’ll be happy and safe, and that brings me joy. But…” He stops to take a few deep breaths. “As I am now, I have no hope of following you. We would be parted… forever.”

They sit very still for a while. Then Dean combs his fingers through Cas’s hair and kisses the top of Cas’s head.

"What do you want to do?" Dean asks.

"I want to try," Cas says.

Dean gives another kiss, lingering this time with his nose pressed into Cas’s hair.

Finally, he says, “Then we’ll try.”

*

It doesn’t take long for them to gather the supplies for the ritual. They have to call in a few favors for one rare ingredient, but enough people owe them by now to pull through.

They prepare for the ritual in the dungeon with Cas in a devil’s trap.

"We don’t know what might happen to you," Sam explains, though there’s no need. Cas understands the precautions.

While Sam prepares the items for the ritual, Dean, beside him, prepares the items for a summoning spell, “Just in case this shit sends you anywhere.”

When both are ready, Dean steps into the trap to take Cas’s hands. He kisses Cas’s knuckles. “Whatever happens,” Dean says. “If you die… if you get sent… it doesn’t matter. I will find you. I will always find you.”

Though nervous, Cas smiles for Dean. Dean needs him strong and brave. “I’ll find you, too,” Cas says and Dean kisses him. One of them whimpers before it can get deeper. Cas isn’t sure which of them it was. They both know this might be the last time.

This might be goodbye, no matter what they promise.

"I love you," Dean whispers against Cas’s lips.

"I love you," Cas replies and gives Dean a gentle shove so that he’ll step back out of the trap.

Cas nods to Sam and the ritual begins.

Cas never takes his eyes off Dean until the darkness swallows him and he collapses under the weight of it.

*

"You defy your nature, Castiel," says a man in a leather chair. He’s in a dark suit with a cane resting against his knee.

"I’m Cas," Castiel corrects, even as he knows he shouldn’t provoke Death.

"A name given by demons, shortened by man," Death says, tapping at his cane. "Do you even remember the name you were given at birth?"

Cas shakes his head.

"Would you like to?" asks Death.

Cas’s human past always sits just beyond his reach, like a word on the tip of his tongue. He knows what Death offers now is a gift, likely a last one, and yet a large part of him doesn’t want to know. He is who he is now. He likes who he is.

If only he wasn’t a demon.

"My name is Cas. I am a hunter."

"Like the Winchesters?"

"I am a Winchester," Cas says. Dean told him so himself early one morning. Cas had thought about it and said, "I don’t have a last name."

Dean just laughed and replied, “You’ve been a Winchester for a while, Cas. Maybe even since that night in the parking lot, where we first met.”

Death looks at him. Cas can’t read his expression but he swears he sees some curiosity there, however small, churning behind the hardness in his eyes.

"The spell the Winchesters attempted to cast bids me to purify your soul, removing all burns from Hell. It’s up to my discretion, you understand. There is no benefit for me doing so."

Cas nods, grim.

"However."

Cas holds his breath and thinks of Dean. Dean, with his bright green eyes and warm smile. With his strange jokes and soft kisses. Cas thinks of Sam, too - of his kind words and his praises. Of steady pats on the back.

When Cas thinks of Sam and Dean, he thinks of family. He hopes they will go on without him. He hopes Dean will not mourn for long.

He wonders if he can ask Death to destroy him entirely, rather than send him back to Hell.

Death blinks slowly, and when he opens his eyes to level a stare at Cas, he looks bored. “Are you quite finished now?”

Cas straightens. “I’m sorry.” He hadn’t meant his mind to wander.

Death taps his cane on the floor. “There really isn’t more to say, anyway,” he says and rises.

Cas takes a hurried step toward him. He wants to go home. He wants his family. “But, sir -“

Death holds up his hand, silencing him. “There isn’t more to say, because you have not been a demon for some time, Cas.” He shrugs and starts to walk away. “Demons cannot love,” he says over his shoulder.

*

Cas blinks and he’s on the floor in the dungeon, his face cradled in the crook of Dean’s arm and Dean’s face in his neck. The skin beneath Dean’s eyes is wet.

"Don’t be gone," Dean says, broken. " _Don’t leave me_.”

"Dean," Sam says from somewhere nearby. His voice is stronger than Dean’s, but still unsteady. He doesn’t say anything more.

Cas breathes in deep and Dean’s sobbing stops. Gently, Dean pulls back.

"Cas?" Dean asks, eyes wide and glistening. Sam leans forward.

"Hello, Dean," Cas says. A smile slides easy onto his face. "Sam."

"Cas," Sam says.

When Cas sits up, Dean cups his face when both hands.

"You’re okay," Dean says. "Are you…?"

"I don’t know," Cas replies. "Death said… but I’m not sure."

Dean mouths the word _death_ but does not say it. He immediately pulls Cas back into his arms. “Shit, Cas.”

"I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere," Cas promises.

Sam pats Cas’s shoulder. “It’s good to have you back.”

Dean holds him for a long time, but when he finally lets go, it’s only long enough to see if Cas can walk out from the devil’s trap on his own. When he does, Dean takes him in his arms again and kisses him.

"Welcome to humanity," Sam says, laughing.

"I’ve been human for some time," Cas tells him. He looks at Dean. "Demons can’t love."

Dean takes Cas’s hand and, with Sam close behind, leads him to the front door of the bunker. They step over the salt line.

The sun is shining. It’s bright and warm but not as much as Dean’s smile.

Sam ruffles Cas’s hair. Dean holds Cas’s hand.

"My family," Cas says.

"Always," Dean replies.


End file.
